America, You Have A Penpal?
by Kairia'sYami
Summary: It's a normal world meeting and everyone's fighting but...America is being quiet and reading something! What's going on?


**A/N: Hiya! Yep, another one shot from me.**

**This one was written because I wanted England to react to this quote, but then I thought it was too short, so I added a quote or two, and now it's gone from 569 words to about 2200. Go me!**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Hetalia. But I do own Kendall, as well as the plot and idea, so there!**

* * *

It was a normal World Meeting. As in, it wasn't productive at all as no one paid attention to the speaker and instead got caught up in their own arguments.

England and France were arguing about nothing as China simultaneously lamented the immaturity of Western nations and cowered with the Baltics from Russia, who was cowering as well, trying to avoid his crazy younger sister's attention.

North Italy was chattering about pasta to an irritated Germany, while South Italy was attempting to fend off the cheerful Spain's advances. Prussia was jumping around the four, yelling about his Awesomeness and his "five meters".

Greece and Turkey were fighting over which of them was Japan's best friend, while said nation was being quiet and reading the atmosphere as Switzerland threatened to beat him up if he didn't "man up".

Canada (...wait, who?) was attempting - the key word here is attempting - to get the other countries attention, ultimately failing, much to his distress.

South Korea bounced around declaring that everything originated in him (da-ze!) and trying to grope the annoyed China's nonexistent breasts.

Germany was, once again, at the edge of his, admittedly small, pool of patience. Italy had snuck into his bed again last night, the day before Prussia got arrested for indecent behavior along with France and Spain while drunk and Germany had to bail him out, and all these nations were acting like immature children while at _his_house, ignoring him. He was in a Very Bad Mood.

And last, though certainly _not_least, America was being his usual loud and obnoxious self as he...quietly read a letter? What?!

Germany was about to explode and start yelling, like he always did, when he realised the lack of a loud American voice. Turning to find the superpower, he stared in baffled amazement at the blond's quiet activity.

Noticing Germany's attention elsewhere, Italy followed his friend's gaze and tilted his head curiously, soon bringing the world's attention to the young blond superpower due to the Italian's shouted questions.

"Ve~ Germany, why is America reading? That's really weird." His eyes lit up in realization. "Ah, he must be reading _The Atmosphere_! I wonder if he'd let me borrow it, everyone's always telling me that I need to read it, but I just can't find it!~ I..."

Everyone ignored the Italian's stupidity, staring in silence at the quietly humming nation. As for America, he was ignorant of the stares he was receiving as he snickered softly at something he read, his music blocking out the world around him.

Clearing his throat and stepping forward, England cautiously put a hand on America's shoulder and asked, "What are you reading there lad? You aren't normally this quiet." Which is, of course, the reason for the nation's shock and silence.

Starting, the young nation turned towards England and the gathered nations, smoothly pulling his earbuds out as he did so. Looking confused at the surrounding nations, he absently mindedly began putting away his iPod, a soft beat and barely there lyrics reaching the curious nations.

"_...under the new mania. And can you hear the sounds of hysteria? The sub-"_Noticing the music was still playing, America paused it and finally put away the device, asking the staring nations in an unusually quiet voice, "Um, is everything okay?" Noticing the intense stares, he glanced down at himself. "Um, I'm not wearing something weird, am I?" He seemed content with his outfit choice after surveying it for a few seconds, but the other nations couldn't help but stare.

He was wearing dress clothes. Black dress pants, a white dress shirt, and polished black dress shoes. His raggedy jeans and old bomber jacket were no where to be found, as France was keen to point out (though his exact words were more along the lines of "Ohonhonhon..._Amérique_cleans up nice, non? Especially without that bulky jacket and those horrible jeans." He followed up his words with a lecherous grin, leering at the confused America).

"We asked what you are reading, you idiotic American-" England was cut off as America snickered and glanced towards his sleeping iPod, waving the other nation on as he did so. England warily continued, suspicious about the strangely acting nation. "So? What the bloody hell are you reading? It's unusual to see you so quiet. And why did you laugh just now?"

America blinked and answered, the tone of his voice showing his confusion at the big fuss they were all making. "Oh, is that all? Um, well, I laughed because when you said "idiotic American" it reminded me of the song I was listening too." He saw their questioning looks and explained. "It's called American Idiot by Green Day and it was recommended to me by a friend. Anyway, I'm not always really loud. It's only when I have things to say that I am. Other times, I'm pretty quiet."

He glanced at the table and the letter that sat there, picking it up and smiling at it as he told the interested nations what it was. Some of the other nations, most of them in fact, left (as it was clear the meeting was over), so it was mostly just the G8, Spain, China, Switzerland and Liechtenstein, and a few others that remained.

"This is a letter from my penpal back in America. Her name's Kendall, and she was the one who recommended that song to me. She sent me some funny quotes she found, which is why I wasn't paying attention to the meeting - they were too funny and interesting to ignore."

Ever the curious one, Italy asked, "Ve~ Can you read us one?"

Nodding in surprise, America scanned the paper and finally found one. "'Kay, here's one of my favorites.

'The possibility and impossibility are irrelevant for nothing is impossible and anything is possible; it was never the question of "what if", instead, it is the question of "when" and "how". Dreams do not come true simply because we wish it to be; we make our reality ours by our own two hands.'

"I really like it 'cause it's about how we gotta take our dreams into our hands and make them come true, 'cause not even the sky's the limit anymore!" Seeing their interested expressions (and hearing England's muttered "No wonder he was able to fly if he's got quotes like that") he found another one and read it out.

"'Don't set your sights as high as the sun, or you'll only get burned, but don't set them as low as the ground either, because then you'll never learn how to fly.' And one similar to it is 'Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars.'

"I love 'em both. One says don't be arrogant, but don't give up, while the other says do your best, but don't worry if you fail, at least you tried."

Germany nodded his head. "This Kendall has some very nice quotes. Do you know where she finds them?"

America shook his head. "Not really. I asked, but she said she just found them when she read her books and stuff. And yes," He stated indignantly at the incredulous looks he received, "She loves to read. Just 'cause I've got a high illiteracy rate doesn't mean none of my people can read and they all hate reading. Heck, reading is pretty much all Kendall does!"

Trying to shake the mood, he started listing off quotes, some that were only vaguely motivational, and some that were extremely so.

"'Every day may not be good. However, there is something good in every day.' ("Ve~ Your people people are so optimistic!" Italy exclaimed.)

"'To the World, you may be one Person. However, to one Person, you may be the World.' ("Brother, I like that quote. It's very true." Switzerland blushed at his sister's words.)

"'In this world, there is no such thing as a minor character. Because in your story, you're the Star.' ("Ohonhonhon...but of course I am ze star!~ I am the nation of romance.~" I think you know who said that.)

"'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.'("Seize the moment, da-ze!" took the opportunity that was China's distraction to try "grab his breasts".)"

Skimming the letter again, he shook his head and grinned. "We've got some of the inspirational ones outta the way, let's do the funny ones now!" He turned to Russia and grinned almost evilly.

"Let's start off with this one. 'Christmas is canceled. Apparently someone told Santa you had been good this year and he died laughing.' I think it's a perfect quote, for you, yeah?"

Various nations laughed discreetly, trying to hide their laughter from Russia. Russia himself was smiling that innocent smile of his, all the while a dark aura emanating from him as he went "kolkolkolkolkolkol".

"Oh," America exclaimed. "How about this one, to all the conquerors in the room. 'Don't you think it's _funny_that slaughter has the word laughter in it?'"

Some of the more intellectual nations (i.e.: England) thought about it and came to the conclusion that, yes, laughter was in slaughter. Which sounded slightly wrong when England said it out loud.

"Haha, anyway, Italy, don't take this next one seriously." Italy nodded with a confused "Ve~".

"'Flying is easy. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.'" Italy's eyes lit up and he opened his mouth to ask Germany if it was true when he received a deadpan look from every nation as they realised why America said what he did. That is something Italy would that literally.

"Oh, right. No taking it seriously. Got it."

"Here's another one for Italy: 'I smile because I have no idea what is going on.'" The nations one was almost perfect for Italy. Said nation just looked around, smiling in confusion.

America looked through the letter a few times then surveyed the watching nations, his eyes finally settling on Japan. "Hey Japan, bro, I think you'll like this one. 'Knowledge is power...power corrupts...study hard and be _Evil_.' So, d'you like it?"

Japan's lips twitched as he fought to keep a straight face, though a small smile did slip through. "Yes. I enjoyed it. I take it you directed that one at me because of my anime?"

America nodded eagerly as he once again skimmed the letter (and the nations). He laughed at one and looked up to tell it, but stopped when he saw England. He looked torn for a second before he looked back at the letter, only one person noticing as they all chatted amongst themselves.

He sighed sadly when he found no more quotes that the other nations would appreciate, his eyes lingering on the one he skipped. Shaking his head, he called out to the (mostly) quiet nations. "Hey guys, sorry, that's it. No more you guys would get."

He began to get up when he was stopped by China's voice. "Wait a second, aru." He did and jumped in surprise when he saw his letter (somehow) in the old nation's hands, his eyes skimming it.

"GAH! Ninja!" America exclaimed loudly, startling the nations who had gotten used to the new, quiet America.

Ignoring the nation's outburst and Japan's quiet "America, ninjas are Japanese", China continued. "You didn't read this one, aru." He handed the letter back to its owner, pointing out the "missed" quote/joke, and America cursed when he realised it was the one he wanted to avoid.

"Uh yeah, about that one. I don't think that everyone here would really appreciate it." He said, trying to get out of reading it. Seeing the looks the other nations sent him, however, he knew it was a lost cause. "Fine, fine. Don't say I didn't warn you if it makes any of you mad or something." With one last discreet, worried look in England's direction, he began.

"How much dirt would he have to throw in the ocean to create a new country?" The nations exchanged perplexed glances.

"How much dirt...? That would take a lot of thinking..."

"The new nation will become one with me after they are created, da?"

"G-go away!"

"Um, I know the answer..."

"Hey, did you guys here something?"

"Fifteen million!"

"Fifteen million what, you tomato bastard?!"

"Um..."

"Ohonhonhon, I would have to say, a lot!"

They continued to discuss it until the previously silent England spoke up, glancing at the nervous American shrewdly. "It's a trick question isn't it? What's the answer?"

Slowly backing up towards the door, he grabbed the doorknob and began turning it as he answered. "Um, yep it is. The, uh, answer goes, 'None. Just a bunch of tea.'" Before anyone could react he was out the door, leaving the nations to figure out the joke.

The first one to was England, as evidenced by his reddening face. The next was France, who began laughing at the joke and England's red face. The other nations, slowly getting it (with Italy being the last, of course), began backing away from the angry European nation, hoping to avoid his rage.

"WHY THAT-"

_*We end our story here for fear of corrupting young innocent children due to England's dirty mouth*_

***A/N: W-What the Hell! Kairia, how'd you get on my account?! And why did you stop my story?**

**Kairia: I thought it was obvious, Yami!~ I am Awesome!~ And I already said why I stopped the story.**

**Ugh. You've been spending too much time with Prussia.**

**Kairia: Hey, Prussia's Awesome!**

**I know. That's the problem. *Turns to audience* Anyhow, I hope you guys enjoyed this. ^,^***


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